Intimacy

What is intimacy to you?

The amount of water related metaphors SWIMMING around in my head lol is incredibly hilarious to me. I just got off a call with a client of mine and we were musing about the lessons learned from having a Gemini in Chiron. Second guessing the things you have SUCH great impulse to share and express about because you truly do not want to look like you don’t know what you’re talking about. And wow is that a great big ol piece of the journey~ understanding that feelings are your own and they cannot be fixed or ignored.

So, finally… I muse on intimacy in an intimate way and not all alone and hidden from the potential others to connect with.

Intimacy is a conch shell beckoning the forgotten really good feeling truths that live in our cells of these mattered bodies.  

You may think that intimacy is only the phenomenon that occurs when you have a close encounter with another human, thing or event~ but its even more saturated when you glean the info of the event as it lands in the body and the mind begins calculating the experience.  

The knowledge gets more insane when you pause at the feelings evoked from the intimacy and let them exist a while.

You could spelunk into the area that the initial intimacy brought you (oo thats a cave metaphor and not water), and search out the origin story, truth or originality of it.  There are many things that can occur with the interfacing of that truth or story etc: + or - sensations/thoughts/memories, further mystery, epiphany, realization of interconnectedness, healing, understanding, inspiration, etc etc etc-

Intimacy is honesty.  We are so often presenting ourselves a certain way that we’ve been told to be… even the most creative and insane people that you think are reaaalllly doin something different- there’s always something hiding like a surprise little angel chillin on your inside bones doing sudoku and you catch them off guard with your noticing and they open their arms like OMG HI YAY YOU’RE HERE and then you’re like why the FUCK do you know my name and you’re terrified and run away and they’re so confused because they love you so much and just want to merge with you!!  and now you can’t disremember that encounter and you’re like whyyyyyyy

And YEA that is scary sometimes.  To find out you’ve been lying unbeknownst to yourself is destabilizing.  But dishonesty is just as informative as honesty~ and it just wants to be acknowledged~ and who KNOWS whose dishonesty this is that has been invited to live rent free in your fucking DNA.

I had asked my instagram friends a couple weeks ago “what does intimacy mean to you?”… And everything we said from: vulnerability, knees touching, playing the sims alone, roasting your near and dears, snug etc etc- I feel like those absolutely ARE all intimacy AND they are boats.  

In the caption i said this: Intimacy is all those feel good things ya’ll shared.
When we continue to ride with intimacy it allows us to crack open a can of trust. Inevitably, as time passes… intimacy takes us to very popular shore excursions like the illusion of perfection, the fall of expectations, defensiveness, abandonment, assumptions, heartbreak, blaming & complaining etc. lol I don’t know why I can’t let go of the boat thing bear with me. The thing I’m so curious about is when we stay at those places thinking 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓋𝒾𝓋𝑒.
And as we’re bobbing along singing sad songs… and eventually get bored and momentarily forget about the pain times, a new intimacy boat arrives and we embark and experience some mighty familiar scenery! Hopefully we grabbed some souvenirs and the can of trust we littered lol to give us reason to take a pause and… dare I say throw an 𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖗 heheehheehe and MAYBE SCUBA DIVE ಥ‿ಥ
(Did you know that if you’re on a cruise ship and the boat is too big you have to do this anchor moment and the way to get to shore is to ride a thing called a tender 🥹 I hope we all get to tender status)

When I think on it more… intimacy feels like a sword made of water penetrating anything… and making it feel a 𝕒 𝕔𝕖𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕪 (thats not always great!)…cultivated by the life you’ve lived unconsciously and now as we age… more consciously.  And when I think more and more and more I’m like omg intimacy is everything and SPECIALLY it is feelings.  These creepy things that can’t be backed by very reliable science.  Intimacy is here in a billion forms to wake us up from some of the most life depleting forces of existence such as being trapped, excluded, bored, suspicious, defensive, in a loop of the SAME THINGS that just make us go ow.

This subject is so insane I can’t stop thinking of what more it is.  It’s everything.  and to more and more evidential truth… in at least my field of perception and experience, this boat is more available and people want to keep returning to it with a lightness and openness.  

Generally… I feel like we are supposed to feel good-  and a lot of us don’t know what good feels like…. or maybe we just have such a rich history of a FELT experience of bad and wanting to get away from it.  We want to feel good so badly that we run away from the bad… or have a hard time seeing and accepting the horrible things that happen to people and the world.  

And this is why I think interfacing with our intimacy is so important.  It moves us into presence with our feelings; instead of becoming acquainted with them well after the fact in retrospect.

What I do know is that “good" is generally expansive and that bad is contractive. We are here on this earth and live within these polarities and so long as we’re here, both must exist.  Can you face your contraction with the intimacy you give a near and dear who is sad?  I hope you will try to, because there is so much beauty in that alchemical moment.  With moments like this, we will abolish FOMO… for there are so many entities to shake hands with inside your body alone. 

So many more of us are getting creative and innovative with our perceptions of experience.

We are weird because we have perception and consciousness. 

We are here to be very much ourselves and that can be a quest. 

I THINK we are allowed to try doing this thing where we realize that we are not the same and cannot operate exactly the same as anyone.  Not even anyone in our psychological categorizations… and maybe we’re here to have fun~ specially when we have fleeting beauty moments of a sameness which can maybe looked at as a harmonizing moment.

A good challenge to take on is a pause.  When a close loved one (not ones that exist in any kind of violence) makes you feel 𝕒 𝕔𝕖𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕨𝕒𝕪 thats not great… can you pause for 24 hours before saying anything in a way that suggests a hierarchical moment, a moment of being right, of being the victim, of having anything to defend.  And in that pause… can you find a source of comfort and love with in you? A love that others have experienced themselves from you? 

From here we can peel a lot of these layers for ourselves, instead of feeling the knee jerk reaction to build a wall. However, of course it can be VERY necessary to put boundaries up for the love and care of people who cannot listen to their own hearts just yet.

When we really experience the absolute magic of intimacy, we get shown the door back into ourselves… which we can then open again for others to come in as we’ve cleaned up for guests to arrive :) 

When we really experience the magic of intimacy, we experience ease.  And ease forks off into many unique directions for each one of us.  And it feels as though this process could never end… Until we reach transparency, where nothing more even needs to be said because when I look at you and you look at me we see love.  We don’t even see the doors anymore… because a door requires a structure and the structure supposes protection and when the structure is erected we have a limitation.  But love is limitless. 

And for those of us that have had so much pain in love, you are so needed.  For you have touched sharp edge of that scary thing and the pain you felt was a muscle growing.  

It is my passion to follow this path that wants to know that we are always in love and that we are all loved.